One of the things I made a private agreement with self about was to write at least one post a day during this vacation. Rarely do I get to ‘vacate’ without it being related to something else, never just a vacation for fun. This time is no exception. However, I LOVE road trips! And I happen to require one to get from here to there 🙂
A wonder of technology is that today my phone sent an alarm from my work calendar notifying me that I was on vacation starting tomorrow – hahahaha! Good thing I was already up and having coffee on the patio when that alarm went off. How did we survive without these gadgets, hmm?
My revised trip plans now include a side visit to a great friend I’ve not seen in two years. She and her husband are staying near Macon, so I’ll make that my overnight stop and hang out a while, if they’re not visiting their farm back in Kentucky right now. Since the two friends I am closest to come from interactions created online, they don’t live close to me, so face-to-face visits are rare and precious. But they’ve been in my life for a long time and have been integral to my healing, my sanity, and my strong sense of self. They cast a wide net under me during the time after the loss of my partner and helped me pick up the shattered pieces of my life in the weeks and months after his death. For that, I can never, ever repay them. I am thankful that their husbands allow us time together via phone regularly and accept me as an extension of family – and they don’t grouse too much lol! I’m also going to meet a new friend from one of the forums I frequent that lives near my farm. Maybe I can help her do something, as she’s a single homesteader too, and you can never have too many hands when you’re living that life as a singleton, trust me!
Driving elates me, as long as the weather is good. It means music and things to look at, time to muse, time to sing at the top of my lungs in the car where no one can hear me! I have a lot to do today to prepare, including returning some hand tools a local friend lent me to transplant some new flowers at my little place. I needed to create something of my own, my beauty, to return to when this release of the farm is over. Yeah, it’s not my place, it’s just a rental, but when my time here is up and it’s time to move on, I will leave a little piece of me behind for the next renter to enjoy – color, scent and beauty. Of course, as I’m leaving, some of my favorite plants here are putting out their little gifts for me to savor in my mind while I am away.
The emotional swirls in my body and brain right now really threaten to derail my practical, analytical self. Leaving a new grandchild behind, letting go of a dream that I fought hard and long for, the sharing of myself emotionally with someone new – I will need to reach down for my inner strength and pull out some reserve stock, I’m sure. The quiet and solitude of the farm, once I’ve reconnected with the friends made there, will nurture my soul space and allow me to breathe deeply of country air, view the stars undiminished by city lights, and maybe even give me wild violets, spring onions and dogwood blossoms before I return back to my little temporary home. I have been preparing mentally for this eventuality for some time, but the reality of it is now upon me. Part of maturity is learning to let go without losing part of yourself, this I know. But a little part of me will always roam the woods of my little farm, will linger in the winds that rush through it in the spring, inhabit the dogwoods in bloom and lend itself to welcome the new owners whomever they may be.
I am ready to let go.
“Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it. It’s like boats. You keep your motor on so you can steer with the current. And when you hear the sound of the waterfall coming nearer and nearer, tidy up the boat, put on your best tie and hat, and smoke a cigar right up till the moment you go over. That’s a triumph.”
Thanks for being my road trip companions my readers.
Gentlemen, start your engines!!