The ‘why me’ pattern

The weather and traffic were great on the first leg of the trip.  Lots of vehicles from other states on the road, and not filled with young spring breakers either.  More massive North to South immigration I suspect, due to most of the tags being from Northern states.   I’ll have some light work for my mechanic when I return, as the car in front of me threw some tire debris right smack on me, and it did some cosmetic only damage.  A little buffing may be all that’s in order, as no dents or anything.  I saw a gator (by the dog walk area, how humorous!), miles and miles of pink and white phlox, a hawk and a dead coyote on the roadside.

Usually I travel with music most of the way, singing freely along with the radio.  But yesterday I was not really in the mood for it except in short bursts. Maybe I feel the weight of the results of this trip so heavily in my mind and heart that I can’t override it with choice of attitude right now.

And that brings me to my topic, ‘why me’.  Usually we think this ‘why me’ thing when bad things happen.  I’ve had some bad experiences over my lifetime and never spent much time on the ‘why me’ aspect of it.  Life just is what it is and you do the best that you can with it.  But why do we not think ‘why me’ when good things happen?  Do we naturally think we deserve good but don’t deserve bad?  Are either of these things even related to what one deserves? Sometimes is it nothing more than being in the right, or wrong, place at a given time?  I have a confluence of good and bad things taking place in my life right now.  I want to learn to embrace both types of events without getting overly tied in to the feelings they produce.  I want to stop and learn from each thing, taking something from each and growing as a result.

I am so thankful for good friends, people who have grown to know me over the years.  I’m a difficult person to get to know, the ‘inside’ me.  They love me despite my insecurities, anxieties, popcorn-style thinking and talking methodology and the impulsive streak that usually breaks out now and again in full glory.  I am heading to visit one of those friends now, to both give what she needs from me and to receive what I need from her.  I don’t need a lot of people in my life, in fact, I can’t handle a lot of people in my life.  But the ones that make it in, I guard fiercely and closely and I value them so much.  I only hope that I convey their value to them so that they feel their importance, and that I don’t take them for granted.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
Henri Nouwen

Give thanks for real friends, warm hands and the flame of hope.


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