If you think that time travel is not possible, then you have not kept much of your life in boxes for long periods of time as I have. Or perhaps you are not a linker of time and events to objects as I am. The activities of yesterday proved once again that simply to touch something from the past can toss me back into the stream of time to other dates and places.
I held school report cards, graduation caps, notes written before my first class wordsmith daughter knew how to spell “violets”, cards given for special occasions and no occasion at all, journals of teen angst and boy mania, photos of babies and little girls first days in kindergarten. My heart swelled and my throat tightened many a time yesterday. And I also played around with regret, hindsight and loneliness, but only for a small time. Life that is already lived may present us with education on how to move forward in the future, but one cannot remain mired in the past, beat oneself up forever or condemn that past self for not having the clarity of vision that hindsight offers. That is simply wasted energy on unchangeable things. Today is in your purview, and possibly tomorrow – but the past has rushed by and serves only as a memorial, as a trail that you have flattened the grass on that you really don’t want to return to except on limited terms.
Progress is being made in the sorting, although being in the damp basement yesterday has my nose stuffy today. I’ll try for another run on the office and keep the dampness away for a little while. I haven’t settled on a pricing and selling method yet, something easy for buyers and easy for me. There are things of fairly high value and then there are things that bargain hunters will adore. And even if I sold everything for a dollar I would be better off than trying to eliminate it or donate it at the end. I dislike trying to place a value on something for garage sales. I’ve only held a few in the past and I had the same problem then as now, lol. I love a bargain, but I also know that if I want something or need it, then I will pay a fair price for it even at a thrift store or yard sale. I need to either cut up lots of labels or buy some of those nifty colored dots on my next trip to town. Some things I may try to sell on Ebay or other specialty outlets, even though photographing, marketing and shipping is a hassle from out here, but I think the audience would be better than the yard sale type.
The bad weather skirted me all around, although I stayed up for quite some time watching the computer radar just to make certain. Preparations were made in advance as well, so as not to be caught unawares. The cool is welcome, and it looks like I’ll get to make a fire or two while I am here. That’s good, as I have tons of paper to burn and I enjoy making and having a fire. Because of the drying nature of wood heat, I’ve already got a simmer pan going on the stove, with cinnamon, cloves and other spices thrown in it to scent the air and throw out humidity. It’s a fake revisit to fall for me, as fall is my favorite season. Yep, I’m milking this visit for all the good things that I can get out of it 🙂
The non-stop high winds yesterday played havoc with the ailing barn roof It is in such bad shape on the sides, it makes me sad. The carpenter bees have loved it hard and I didn’t have the skill or the capital to do the repairs after the tornado went through while I was unemployed. I have such a hard time killing anything that contributes to pollination, even wasps as much as they scare me at times. But I will eliminate those if they are a hazard. I have them in my house here so there’s always a chance sighting of one when you least expect it. For a girl who grew up being scaredy of all things that buzz, skitter, slither and fly, I’ve done remarkably well I think with sharing my home up here with the various surprise inhabitants and managing my panic.
Enough introspective lollygagging, as I’ve work to do and a diminishing time frame in which to accomplish it. There is a strong possibility that the farm is sold, so I may have less time up here than I think. This simply means that I can move into the next unknown phase sooner than later, and I am always open to adventure, change and new things to learn. While I am fairly routine in my day-to-day life, new possibilities always intrigue me. And I am enough of a dreamer to start building air castles in my mind even while keeping my sights down to earth so that I can accomplish my ‘debt free’ pursuit. I guess I live with one foot on the ground and one hand reaching up for the stars. I’m far more Piscean than Arian in my traits, one of the benefits of being a cusp baby. It’s fun to read that stuff, but mainly I think we have to determine our course, our changes and improvements and contribute to our future plans with effort and will.
I’ll close with a quote from one of my favorite books, Eat, Pray, Love:
“I’m choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I’m making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.”
Choose happiness. Fake it until it becomes real. Your mind is stronger than any other external input. Learn this now, before you have to.