As with anything new and interesting to me, this has become a bit of an obsession. I’m interested in self-improvement, so why would it not be of interest? I finally paid for a test.
Consistently testing introverted since…19XX, LOL!
One of the most interesting things from this recent test was the learning styles and brain hemisphere insight. Also, the actual closeness between the varying types of intelligence. The scariest part? That I am 107% more introverted than average. What does that mean? That’s not even a rational percentage to the logical part of my brain.
I’ve not felt like writing much lately, kind of hit a personal slump there for a bit. I understand why, but it’s not going to revise itself for a couple more months and in the interim I can’t do backflips in my mind pondering the ‘why’s’. Most likely I don’t really know the why. I may not even understand the why if I ever get one. I can handle possibilities, but not uncertainties. I can handle rules, but not when they change without me being informed that they’ve changed. Talking things out with my best friend has helped, but the futility of the mental exercises are wearing me out. I just have to accept that it will be a future time before I get an answer.
In the interim, I’ve really taken to studying personality types, learning methodologies, how particular modes of thinking/processing impact the way that one interprets the world and events around them. Brain sciences of all types fascinate me. Human interaction fascinates me. Things like frames of reference, perspective, internal barometers – all make me googly-eyed with amazement. Reading always calms my brain down anyway, and because of my circular thinking patterns on the ‘why’ thing, I’ve needed something else for my brain to do.
I’ve also been pondering rejection, and our inherent fear of being rejected, be it for a job, or by a person of interest, or even family/friends. I’ve come to the conclusion that we fear rejection because we don’t always get a reason why we didn’t get a job, get the guy, get the invitation. I think if we were provided the reasoning behind these things, we’d fear them less. It’s rather like garden soil I think. One buys a home with a garden plot and we’re sooo excited that we’ve got this plot and we want to plant in it, take care of it, nurture it, and we sometimes forget to do a soil test in our enthusiasm for simply finally having a place to plant. Relationships are like this too. We get so excited about the new discovery, the un-turned earth of a new person’s personality, that we neglect to test the soil. Our feelings and emotions are a lot like seeds in a way. Certain plants need specific types of soil in which to flourish. So too, do people. If you cast the seed upon ground not suited for the plant’s needs, the results will be lackluster at best, and a complete failure at worst. Alas, the same goes for emotions and expectations. Thankfully, both garden soil and relationships can be amended after a little bit of research to discover the missing components required for things to thrive and grow. Perhaps it is simply that the soil will never be right for that particular plant that you wish to grow. You may have to plant elsewhere, or even give up on growing that plant and find a better one more suited for the locale. I think the worst part of both of these scenarios, be they people or plants, is that by the time you realize things are not working, there is a lot of time, energy and effort expended. I am trying to be more open and less fearful of rejection these days. Due to my introverted nature, getting close to someone is not easy and it requires a lot from me energy-wise in order to do so. But when I do get close, look out! Once I make that decision, I’m all-or-nothing really. That’s a fairly risky approach, come to think of it. I might wish to just test the water, not do a cannonball splash into someone, lol! But it’s all still new to me, this getting to know new people business. Like most things in my life, I go at it full tilt. I suppose that can be a bit overwhelming to some.
Anyway, I’m not going to change my name as of yet to Busted Flush, but I’m no longer as certain as I once was that this ground is suitable for planting. I’m a little confused right now and trying to draw on the patient genes that were handed out to the people in front of and behind me that got my doses. I received a double dose of impulsiveness and perhaps a half-dose of patience. I hope when that happens you also receive a comparable dose of thick-skinnedness as well.
I found a poster of my personality type that I absolutely adore. If it’s available for purchase I plan to purchase it. In the interim, here is a visual representation that explains my brain 🙂
Be well, be yourself, embrace life’s lessons. And smile, always smile.