7.25.14 Friday Frivolous Foolishness

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’s Friday 🙂  You get only a small ‘wooT’ out of me because I am plum tuckered out.  International clients were in house for the last four days, so the office was all atwitter and off schedule due to excess meeting-itis, kow-tow-itis and general executive angst. It all ended well, so, you know “All’s well that ends well.”  😀

I was going to write about my Spam box. Honestly though, I am spent.  I simply want to curl up with a movie and not think for a night. Not worry about grand babies, traveling children, or anything else.

Some people doodle during meetings.  I often get hit by things to write about. During a disaster recovery meeting that lasted longer than Brussels sprouts spend on a four-year-old’s plate, I wrote these Haikus.

Love and Disaster Recovery

 

Realized today

I’ve no recovery plan

For getting over you

 

For hardware, networks

Run books, plans, meetings abound

What of our heart wear?

 

I know it is not Music Mention Monday, but I stumbled across this song this week.  I have played it over and over again. For five minutes and twenty-two seconds  every time I play it, I wish to be loved, and to love, again. I am not sure that this song really addresses love as I understand it though (lust, yes…which is part of love, sometimes). I remember loving like this a long time ago, and it makes me melancholy a little bit. The song though, is just about perfect. 

And then I remember what loving another costs me – so I get over it really quickly ha! But momentarily, I want to go buy a long black wig (since I have short blonde hair) so that this song would fit me. 🙂

I think really though,  that this song  below represents real  love, and I always thought it would be a good accompaniment to a commitment in the future, should I ever have another one  Maybe it is the widows and widowers that get to me, or that it shows love in the older, matured through-thick-and-thin realm. However, Leonard Cohen’s voice kinda makes me come unraveled though (in a good way), so…shrug.

For example (if your ovaries need a jump start):

(BRB after a cold shower…)

Ahem, where was I? Oh yeah, love.

How many of you have willingly put yourself on the line for a loved one?  I have done it, in a physical way, to protect one that I loved. I don’t say this to one-up anyone; most of us don’t examine love, truly.  Here is what I will tell you of the minuscule bit that I know of love. I know much more about not-love, pseudo-love, pretend-love. So take this for what you are paying for it – nada, zero, zilch.  Okay, I allow you the time you take to read this as payment, fair ’nuff?

True concern (which is a form of love) asks “How are you today?”

True consideration says (also a form of love) “I have been thinking of you, how can I (insert need meeting here)?”

True friendship says (also a form of love) “You have a problem/issue/blind spot here”. Because truthfulness is actually real love if done with kindness.

True value says (also a form of love) “I appreciate/respect/value X about you.”

I don’t have a  problem telling people any of these things.  If I love someone, it is pure love. I have had several pseudo-love approaches, people who would use me for their own purpose, or to unload on – a sounding board of sorts, or to simply be heard.  I am cool with that part really, as long as they listen back (and I can yammer whoo boy). We all need certain things at certain times. I will be the first to say that at times I am needier than at other times. I believe (but could be wrong) that I give back what I take.

Why can we not love openly? A dear friend of mine said to me in the last month or so, ” …we get less than we deserve.” I have pondered this for over a month. How the hell do we measure ‘what we deserve’?  The definition of deserve is: ” To merit.” Then it goes further: “to be worthy, fit, or suitable for some reward or requital.”  I have tried to repeatedly put this in the perspective of our discussion, which was relationships. He was encouraging me to wait for that which I deserved, to not appear desperate. Do you know what the primary meaning of desperate is? “Having lost hope.”

W.T.F. Seriously (love ya J, if you read this). So I should wait for what I merit, so as not to appear that I have lost hope? How does one measure “merit’ or ‘worthiness’? In this same conversation, the term ‘settle’ came into play. The primary meaning of settle? “To end (something, such as an argument) by reaching an agreement.”  I guess what I am trying to wrap my head around is how the terms ‘deserve’, ‘desperate’ and ‘settle’ came into play in regards to loving others, as say, opposed to a business deal or lawsuit. When did relationships become this?  I guess I always thought of relationships in regards to what I have to give, and if I  and my partner feel fulfilled by the relationship. So I left this discussion confused and readily admit I am still such, despite a whole lotta turning this over in my head. Maybe he knows better, as he has been happily married for a long time.

This is what I wrote back:

“I often think it is like the entire world is on an emotional diet, but we’re standing before a buffet of feelings and opportunities; just the aroma would pull you in off the street.  Yet, if you let your mouth water, or if your stomach burbles because you hunger for something you see, it is weakness.”

What say ye, dear readers? Am I looking at relationships through the proper lens? I humbly submit that my relationship-dar is in need of re-calibration; hence my decision to remain as I have – alone, for nearly five years now.

What do these terms mean to you? Have I got the wrong end of the stick? I’d love to hear your thoughts! That’s my only challenge for you today.

The puzzled one…

~SE

 

 

 

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  6 comments for “7.25.14 Friday Frivolous Foolishness

  1. July 26, 2014 at 2:24 AM

    I would love to be able to reply to you but I can’t. I loved someone and twenty years into our marriage she got cancer, she survived but she changed. We stayed together for another ten years but eventually I got the message that she didn’t want my loyalty, she wanted to live alone. I live alone and I am happy. I used to pray, “Dear God, please do it to me, don’t do it to her.” Got what I prayed for. I know that she is safe and well with her children and grandchildren. I haven’t had a fight with myself once this year. There is never a cross word in my house there is just love. I can’t imagine why anybody would want to bring turmoil into their lives. I have lost some emotions. Someone else will give you a better answer 🙂 It is nice to read your thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 26, 2014 at 3:27 PM

      Colin, thank you for your kind words. I am sorry that you went through that. People do grow, change directions, and it is hard to keep up in a canoe at times; to keep paddling in the same direction – usually due to our inability to honestly communicate. When course corrections are made on ships, the captain announces it. There should be such in relationships too, I think 🙂

      I chuckled about “I haven’t had a fight with myself once this year.” I argue with myself all of the time, and sometimes out loud. My cross words are usually admonitions to myself, or chidings of some sort.

      Thank you for taking the time to share – your gentleness shows in your entire blog. i wish you…enough.

      Like

  2. alfredsalmanac
    July 26, 2014 at 5:48 AM

    I love Leonard Cohen, but I don’t know how to answer your question fully. I think it is what it is. If we over analyze the meaning of love in terms of a relationship with a significant other, we run the risk of setting unachievable goals. You will know when you meet someone. You will have no choice in the matter. It will just happen and all careful consideration will be thrown to the wind. That’s what usually happens, right?

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 26, 2014 at 3:33 PM

      Hm. I have never experienced what you describe. I have always known that I had a choice when it came to partnering. Notice I didn’t say I always chose wisely, just, that I knew I had a choice. Now once that bond was made with my late husband (something my first and I never had), it was undeniable. But he kind of grew on me over time. I think we all have expectations in a relationship, and the inability or unwillingness to communicate them, is where a tiny hole opens up until it becomes an uncrossable chasm if we don’t address it, speak of it, discuss it.

      Of course, I can also talk till the cows come home so…. 😉 Thanks as always for your thoughtful comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. July 26, 2014 at 12:10 PM

    Hmm. Off the top of my head. To settle implies a negotiation or a compromise. Is the compromise palatable to you? By gauging what you deserve, demonstrates your self-worth. Desperation is many things, including a loss of hope. But hopelessness is born from fear. There, some thoughts to tinker with 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 26, 2014 at 3:36 PM

      Now these are some interesting insights. I’ll have to think about these before I have a further comment. Thank you for commenting. I enjoy learning new perspectives and ways to look at things 🙂

      Like

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