Yes, it is gory. Gut-wrenching. Painful. Overwhelming. That’s why I am taking a break to write about it instead of doing it. Heh.
We squirrel away for all kinds of maybes. Maybe they won’t make (insert item of choice) any more. We stock and store because we’ve a prepper mentality so maybe there will be a shortage. We hang on to emotionally pleasing or historically important things because maybe that person will die and this will be all we have left to touch and remind us; to transport us back to then.
The last time I faced this challenge it was against my will. I had to leave my farm and sell it to avoid foreclosure. I still ‘own’ it, but someone else lives in it and pays for it while I act as the mortgage company. But I had no choice in the matter. I blogged about it here: https://sunflowersolacefarm.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/shedding-19-years-of-skin/
This time, I am choosing to do this and forcing myself to divest of even more. I’d like to say that factor makes it easier, but truth be told, it doesn’t. It still fills me with anger, ambivalence, sorrow and all kinds of other emotions. It’s also confounding as hell at times, to be standing and going…”Why DO I have four colanders???” Then I remember. I had plans to build my own sprouters for wheatgrass, buckwheat and sunflower seeds which need dirt in addition to the normal sunshine and water portion for sprouting things like alfalfa, mung and lentils. The fact that they are still spotless and stuffed in a cabinet indicates how successful that little plan was. You have to have a window with sunlight to do so, and mine all have awnings over them or face into a breezeway or such. Dancing with the ghosts of ideas past is what I call it. This brings forth not only dealing with the stuff, but the remorse or regret of not following through with previous ideas that seemed so stellar at the time. It allows that old friend self-doubt to hang out with me for a while, mocking what the current and ongoing plans are. “Think you’ll follow this one through eh? Yeah, I’ve heard that before. Ummhmmm.” It would be easy to brush that dude off my shoulder if there was no truth in the matter. But there is. And so downsizing vomits up your glory days, your bad days, your abandoned projects and basically just stirs up emotions. It makes me want to lie on a settee with a cold cloth and colder lemonade (or maybe an adult beverage). Alas, no time for that though. Thirty days is what I’ve got.
Oh…did I mention I’m moving? 😀 Stay tuned, as I’ll be adding a new occasional feature of the blog, v-logs of transition from one life to another. Here’s a hint:
Sometimes the road to where you want to go has a lot of unmapped switchbacks…(me)
PS. Holla if you need a colander, I’ve a spare or three 😉