I saved another wasp today. No, no, not the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant type. The flying, stinging type. “Why?” will be most people’s response, understandably. But, I feel that wasps get a bad rap. They live all around my house – on the ceiling of the mud room, on the door frame of my front door, on the underside of box tops left out for recycling too long, in one of the squares of a cement block and in the folds of the hammock bag. They often fly around in my house after entering during ‘open door’ time in the early mornings when I gather fresh air. This guy had been zooming around for a day or so, climbing on my ceiling, checking out the fake flowers, being annoyed when I vacuumed and buzzing my head a bit to let me know. Yet, in over two years, not one has ever harmed me or Legoman. I realize that’s not a terribly long time, but,with the number around and so many little home invasions, you’d think at least ONE would have expressed its discontent at being out of place. Nope.
I’ve feared them most of my life, but someone told me long ago that if you don’t freak out, they won’t hurt you. Something about them invoking attack pheromones to their guard wasps if they perceive a threat I think. Also, if you step on them, or they get trapped in your clothing or hair, they tend to be a bit testy. I disrobed once in public because one was climbing up my back to my neck, lol. But I think I lost my fear the most by watching a Bald Hornet crawl all over my husband for about five minutes without harming him. Up his back, into his hair, down onto his face, around his glasses, which is when my husband finally had enough and threw his glasses – a sting on the old eyeball would have been pretty bad. All the while I was trying to figure out how to gently brush the thing off without angering it, but never found the opportunity to do so. Just a memory that fell out while typing this up.
I spent the time off gussying up my living space, or ‘nesting’ as a friend called it. I’m practicing tiny house living, with 1200 sqft of storage space, lol. Then back to work, which consumes my mind and activities. I’ve been car-less for a couple of weeks now due to a flat tire. But my order of compressor, tire repair kit and Slime arrived, so now I can tackle DIY tire repair. Woohoo! Once tire repair is done, then perhaps I can pursue a sink repair that will allow me to also have running water again. Yeah, back to rainwater harvesting for a while now. Much, much easier for just me. Far fewer dishes and clothes to wash, much less the bathing thing. It’s been really hot here, and walking to the store to get groceries entails an extra bath for me. It’s amazing how little water you can actually bathe in, lol! Cooling down before bed with no a/c is a big deal for me, because when I’m hot I cannot sleep well. My sleep is hit or miss lately. Partially due to no dog, no companion of any kind, so any little noise rouses me. And part of it is the doggone heat.
With this recaptured freedom, I’m trying to figure out what the heck to do to craft the life I crave AND balance reality. The truth is, hacking my way through a piece of property and self-building some kind of cabin is a thing of the past. I haven’t spent the time cultivating the skills I’d need to do so, particularly while working full time. A carpenter I am not. Heck, sometimes I struggle with ESL instructions for assembling things like bookcases and storage bins! Yes, I can live without amenities many of us take for granted. I can rig a sock drying machine out of a cot bed frame. I can haul water and harvest it from an a/c unit to flush toilets. But build my own house? Probably not, especially while working. And finding affordable land near my family down south? Truly not likely in any area I’d feel comfortable living alone. The push from family is really, really strong now that I am ‘alone’. All kinds of worries and fretting going on, attempts to send me back home with a pitt bull after a visit, do you have personal safety under control?, that kind of stuff. When did we all become so fearful? What is driving that?
It feels a lot like grieving right now. Thinking about the dream I’ve nurtured for over a decade disappearing into the mists of time and pragmatism. Trying to figure out what it is I truly wish to do with this beautiful life we’re given that will give me the satisfaction that I crave. And also, trying to keep a hold of “me” when so many others are pulling out their “This is who I want you to be” scenarios. What if I can’t live up to their ideals? What if I can’t even shut up my loud mind long enough to determine what it is that my own ideals are? At any rate, I don’t have to do anything tomorrow, or next month, or even next year if the J.O.B. holds – oh, and if the roof and the foundation of KarseCoteHowm remain intact 🙂
As I ruminate on these pressing matters, here is a song for you to wander away with…
As always, to thine own self, be true.