It’s funny sometimes, how things happen. I stood in the chilly darkness before work this morning straining to see a falling star. It was breezy, quiet and dark. Only the sound of the wind in the junipers, the rustle of grasses, and the trill of unseen insects kept me company. But no such luck.
Tonight, fleeing the upcoming rains, I checked into a noisy, populated RV park to ensure I’d have power to work. And in this crowded, heavily peopled place, hidden beside my van in a sea of big rigs – there was my falling star. I made a wish.
I have come to the conclusion that I really don’t fit around people. I long for peaceful, quiet, empty spaces. I love the sky at pre dawn, the hush of the blue period before sunset. I like people, mostly. I just don’t want to be around them most of the time. I really kind of live in my head. I spent several days of my vacation just sitting in a chair, listening. The birds as they chattered and flocked. The insects, wasps and yellow jackets, butterflies and moths, crickets and locusts, all with their unique flight sound patterns, can only be heard in stillness. I heard day hikers and fellow campers chatting and walking from a quarter mile away. Listened to cyclists as they tackled hills and then whooped with glee on the down hill return. I kneeled by a burbling, fast running creek as I filled my water jugs, and heard leaves fall into the upper portion, then watched them come my way on the living water. That is my idea of joy – those things. You cannot hear them with people around. We are clumsy, noisy and brutish. We no longer know how to sit without speaking, content in just being present.
I miss the quiet already here in this place. I want to go to Quartzsite, but worry if I can find peace in such a crowd when I am ready to take my leave of fellow campers. I will try it, but may run away at times just to be.
Awaiting the rain on the road…_