River Run

Screenshot_20200222-101201

The title may be a tad misleading… There is a river, but no one’s running 🤣I do ride my bike beside the Colorado, though.

As our camping group breaks apart bit by bit, the pace slows considerably. As folks move on, more arrive. Sometimes we have visitors for a few hours and then they mosey on. This has been a great camping group, many of whom I met at the PAR TR a few weeks ago. We had a great 70s night, with disco ball and all, and many nights at the fire on one side of the camp or the other.  S’mores were a big hit each time the fixings made an appearance. And, as always,  the digeridoo playing was soothing and enjoyable .

I’ve spent several days as camp cook, with everyone pitching in something. One Saturday was eggs  and sausage, then cookies; Another Sunday was eggs and pancakes, then pizza. Yes, somehow I managed to make edible frozen pizzas on a cast iron griddle and a Coleman stove! Or maybe everyone just lied, lol. But both pizzas were gone so… Maybe not.

The ebb and flow of group camping means the dynamics are always changing, and sometimes rapidly.  Personality mixes can go from bad to good and back again in the span of hours or days. As someone used to living a fairly solitary life for the last decade, this can frazzle my ‘mother hen’ side and give me the same worries as I had when I was raising children – is everyone comfortable? Content? The problem is, I don’t control those things. And any attempt to do so is a disaster; these are all grown adults! I am having to learn to just let it go and let things sort themselves out.  I am learning to be more observational and less drawn in, while holding on to my empathy. It’s okay to let people be wrong, or go off in a wrong-headed direction. That’s their stuff to learn. I am not the world’s safety inspector!

Nomad life is ever-changing, like the flow of water over and around obstacles. Plans made, plans cast aside, plans dependent on others; one has to have patience or take the reins in hand and drive the plans. I have so many people I’m in touch with, and look forward to seeing again in the future. It truly is a wide-roaming tribe that provides the glow of anticipation as a backdrop to future travels.

The planning has begun for my coastal run in the spring. It changes, re-routes, includes others at times and also allows for some solitude at this point. Of course, all  of this, too, could change. Change doesn’t bother me much if I understand the reason.

Work has been hard lately, with overtime now and again. I’ve had some pressing deadlines and been drained mentally at the end of several days. At times I long for the lack of constraints that others have; to be the driver of my own days. I don’t know that those who live this way currently remember always what it is like to not have those options; to be driven by something external to ones self. But it is softened by a delivered cup of coffee, or a meal prepared by others – thoughtfulness. I press on, knowing one day my time will be my own.

Back at the sticks and bricks the weather has been tumultuous and I’m in touch with my neighbors to make sure they are safe.  I need to return at some point to take stock, eliminate some obligations and pack into the van seasonal things for rotation. And, divest. I suspect this summer will clarify a lot of things for me in regards to permanent traveling as my continued lifestyle.  I cannot, at this point, hardly even entertain a return to my former life. It is a drop in activity only. But I have family, people who wish for my presence at certain points. Management of other’s expectations of me and the conflict with my own desires is a work in progress at this stage. This is a very tough area for me and always has been. There is a dichotomy in my mind – serve and love others, or serve and love myself. Where is that line that one teeters into selfishness? This is the line I’m seeking to define comfortably.

I’m content. But that doesn’t mean there is no mental work to be done at the same time. For today, though, I am happy to just be here and present.

IMG_20200206_171442289_HDR

Being lazy on a rainy day on the road…

~SE

  14 comments for “River Run

  1. February 22, 2020 at 1:41 PM

    a great way to be on a rainy day

    Liked by 1 person

  2. February 22, 2020 at 2:40 PM

    Reading the contentment in your voice made me smile. Enjoy, my dear friend. And Awesome photo BTW!

    Liked by 3 people

    • February 22, 2020 at 3:46 PM

      Thanks re: photo! I’m looking forward to more photo time once work simmers down. Love ya 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  3. February 22, 2020 at 9:44 PM

    Love the photo!
    Ditto on the contentment! For the first time in years, you really sound happy! I’m glad this trip has been working out for you. Hugs my Friend!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. March 1, 2020 at 3:29 PM

    I hope you continue to enjoy the well and hard earned benefits of your current semi-independent status. I’m sure you know that this could change in a heartbeat or the blink of an eye!

    I was able to do this for the past few years while I lived in a place with a view out my back window similar to the photo you put on the end of this post. Now I have been driven away from that tranquil spot after I finally woke up to the fact that the man I had tried to share that space with is an unrepentant alcoholic who may or may not deem the pleasure of my company to be worth of the effort he will have to make to get me to even approach going back.

    I guess it was a coincidence, or a sick twist of fate, that I came to this realization concurrent with my own determination that my mother can no longer live on her own independently, which has necessitated, or perhaps again driven, the need for me to move back in with her in the house where I grew up.

    It’s a good thing that at least I like the climate and the expanded cultural and commercial opportunities better here than there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • March 1, 2020 at 7:30 PM

      So good to hear from you, as always. Having been in a similar place long ago now, I empathize with you.

      Life does often present open doors when others close, even temporarily. It sounds like a soothing place to do some deep thinking. How fortunate you’re able to assist your mother as well.

      I wish you enough – be it time, introspection, relaxation – of what it is that you truly need each day. Most of all, contentment.

      Hugs from across the border 🤗

      Like

  5. March 4, 2020 at 3:28 AM

    I love watching people go off in a wrong-headed direction. It makes for the best stories! Haha. As a writer, you have to be that jerk that doesn’t just watch the train wreck. You take notes. Haha. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

Please leave your feedback!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: