Bittersweetness on my tongue


I. Am. Home. But it’s not home any more.  It’s the shadow home, the home that would-have-been.  It fits around my heart like home, but like all things, it was just temporary.  It was I that made the mistake of calling it ‘my forever home.’  Nothing is forever except the time that flows past us…

The ‘why me’ pattern


The weather and traffic were great on the first leg of the trip.  Lots of vehicles from other states on the road, and not filled with young spring breakers either.  More massive North to South immigration I suspect, due to most of the tags being from Northern states.   I’ll have some light work for…

Humorous limitations of singlehood


This will be a short and sweet post, keeping my obligation to write daily but not taking away too much from the packing of the car and getting on the road. I have been ‘nesting’ here, for lack of a better word.  Preparing the place for my return, investing in it a little bit.  I…

The state of Flux


Argh.  I go through this feeling on a somewhat cyclical basis.  The definition outside of  the engineering or science realm reads something like this: ” a state of uncertainty about what should be done (usually following some important event) preceding the establishment of a new direction of action.”  Since my widowhood  it is an even more…

It’s Complicated


Have you noticed lately how complicated life has become?   I’ve been giving this a lot of thought recently.  From my perspective, it is a confluence of multiple factors that is sucking the life out of people and complicating their thoughts,  leading to a pervasive malaise which hangs like a gossamer  curtain over our  consciousness.…

Bucolic Nirvana


It  has been such a long time since I breathed in and smelled countryside.  But I am experiencing it this weekend.  The last time really was my visit to Sunflower Solace back in May of last year.  That’s a long time to go without being in the country.  A long time without starry nights untainted…

Whole people vs broken people


I fell asleep thinking of  a statement that a friend made to me last night, and when I awoke, it was still there.  So I’m going to pull it out and take it apart. “Your relationships have all been with broken men.” Having friends that speak truth, even if it is painful, really can drive…

Discovering other thinkers


I’ve really had the blessing lately to stumble upon some truly inspiring thinkers, who also happen to blog.  TK Coleman is new to me, but his thinking really resonates with me.  It’s kind of like the time in your life before you know that you need glasses, compared to after your first visit to the…

Aspirations…


I have had several conversations recently with a friend regarding aspirations.  It set me to thinking about ambition.  Goals.  Dreams.   We hear a lot about having goals, being ambitious, pursuing dreams.  But what does it really mean for the average person? How many times a week/month/year/lifetime, does one really think on these things?  I…

The Lightness of Unburdening


Whew.  I should have written sooner.  Oh yes, I journal privately, but publicly laying out ones soul somehow makes it really take flight off of you and into thin air.  Written down in the bundled books that litter my shelves (different journals for different perspective recording) the words linger and slither around the room, tumbling under…

Plans, they are made for changing…


It’s been a long and internally argumentative couple of months. The worst darn arguments are the ones with myself – I can never win no matter what side I take 🙂 After the measly return on the SUV sale, I had to sit down and do some real soul-searching. Being mechanically inept, there is no…

On Cars, Culture and Aging Gracefully


So this past week I took the first step to begin simplifying my life and down-sizing a bit. You learn a lot about yourself when you car shop if you’re paying attention (smirk) My goal was to trade in my SUV, take the cash, and buy used, since all the online guides told me my…

Gimme some cheese with my whine, yeah?


I’m not a whiner. I hate it. Listening to it especially. But lately I’ve experienced my own inner whine. It’s annoying, rather like that lone mosquito that somehow gets into the room and circles your head like a buzzard lookin’ for a roadside snack…drives you nuts! I usually suck it up when I’m feeling whiny.…

Work – Life – Balance


Nearly ten years ago I walked away from the Fortune 100 corporate environment in technology to follow love and dreams. Started my own business with the thought that I’d have more time for real life activities…ha! Circumstances altered that path and for a while, after starting over in another state, I worked multiple temporary part-time…

Champagne taste on a water bottle budget…


Sunday was a very fun day.  A full-timer met me at the LazyDays showplace for a little knocking around, education and temptation.  Whooooeee.  I insisted on only canvassing the used area, thinking I would be safe.  Oh hell no.  I ooohhed and ahhhed over all the buttery leather trimmings, beautiful cherry cabinetry, finely wrought multi-toned…

Personality Quirks


Well, I am so delighted to discover that the feeling I’ve had for most of my life, that ‘alien other’ thing, is related to a personality type!  Apparently we INFJ types are only 1-4% of the population, depending on which expert is expounding on the topic.  Whew, saves me from therapy costs.  The reason I…

The only thing constant is change.


After a wonderful and uneventful road trip to retrieve Eldest Child from the Outer Banks, I was stuck in down-time physical mode while the frantic activity of the previous weeks caught up with me.  Mentally though, I’m living in a full-tilt whirlwind. Decisions. Opportunities. Options. Realities.  D.o.o.r. s are opening. These things I am learning, are…

So, what’s with the dots in the title there?


Virgin blog space.  Rather like a new journal, but without the fear of leaving erasure marks or ink blots to mar the expanse of white. Crisp. Fresh. Unlimited.Enough adjectives already. Geesh.The title of this blog reflects the shift I am making in my own thoughts and how they will play out in the external world.R…

Starting to feel like home


Well, there has been a lot going on around here.  Most of it consists of me learning about and trying stuff I have absolutely no clue about, which is always exciting and interesting, and usually frustrating to boot.  I’ve not taken any photos here yet, mainly because it is either cold, rainy, or rainy and…

Saying Good-bye to ‘the Chapel’


I’m switching from ‘night’ mode into ‘day’ mode for the next nine days, which always takes a concentrated effort. I have to short myself sleep after Thursday’s shift, so that I am tired early Friday night; that usually means that I am up around 4-5 a.m. on Shabbat, and today was no different. But I…

Stuff, stuff and oh, some more stuff


Oh. My. Goodness.  Who BUYS all of this stuff that I am having to pack?  Surely not moi.  Sigh.  I have parted with some things over the last couple of months spent packing, but I’m having that ‘oh-no-I-may-never-have-money-again-since-I-am-a-widow-now’ reluctance to throw away anything that might come in handy at the new place.  So I pack,…

The Homestead Seedling of my Mind


This is how I thought that my blog would start many months ago…. “The Homestead Seedling of my Mind The land is quiet, except for wildlife sounds.  The diluted light of morning dances off of the rising mist of the ground as a towhee sounds in the distance.  He’s been up since before dawn, as…