Last Grasping of Solitude

For almost seven years of widowhood, I have lived in solitude, with the exception of a one year stint with a co-worker roommate. She opened her home to me for a pittance while I was struggling to get back on my feet upon returning to work and I will always be grateful. I am comfortable…

Sacrifice?

What does that word really mean?  The technical meaning is to slaughter an animal, or to offer a person or possession to the Almighty.  Yet I have heard that word related to what I am about to embark upon; the taking on of a six-year-old boy to raise for a while, to help untangle a…

Who are you and what have you done with my Mother?

I can tell you first hand that widowhood sucks.  Just like when you marry, you learn to blend, compromise and bend to fit into a pair and it is a little awkward – stops, starts, spills, so too, is widowhood.  In a culture that practically elevates partnership to sainthood status, suddenly finding oneself pulling in…

This and that and other things

It has been a long and pensive non-public time for me, kicked into gear by the emotional trip to my property followed fast on the heels by Thanksgiving with family, and then as usual, ruminations on all kinds of things. While I’ve written some offline to keep the creative trickle alive, the rest of me…

At 13 degrees, don’t touch the iced tent sides!

This experience, while considered by many to be slightly insane, is very educational for me. It is an opportunity to learn while learning is optional and not mandatory, or driven by necessity. I’ve known too many people relegated to a lifestyle they didn’t anticipate with no foreknowledge, myself included. The saving grace in my sleeping…

Work-Life Balance or How Not to Collapse in a Heap

As you may (or, may not) have noticed, I’ve pretty much been MIA except for a couple of automatic posts I set up last weekend in a five minute period of calm.  That title up there…do you recall when it even entered our lingo? Work-Life Balance. Work used to be something you did between 8-5…

Free Flow

It is no mystery to those close to me that this is a difficult time.  What follows is simply another free flow writing I did, similar to “Skin Tight” a few months ago. ****************************** It is trying to try, try and try again. It wearies and robs the soul of happiness that it is its…

Collage of the Mind

Quoting Berry from Word and Flesh: “The religion and the environmentalism of the highly industrialized countries are at bottom a sham, because they make it their business to fight against something that they do not really want to destroy. We all live by robbing nature, but our standard of living demands that the robbery shall…

A Birth in Gaza

Originally posted on countingducks:
To those unknowing of my childhood my enigmatic and disconnected behaviour must have seemed odd and possibly uncivilised. In youth I could not see beyond getting by and surviving day by day; ‘learning’ was another country where less damaged people lived. I was busy trying to fly that alien craft I…

Decisions, always decisions about writing

I’ve spent the last two days thinking over this experiment that I practiced in July, of posting almost every day.  I wanted to see if I could keep that pace, while working and trying to have a semblance of life with my family and friends as well.  I enjoyed it immensely, but I have found…

A Measure of Self-Worth (Is it like a Pig in a Poke?)

Welcome to Time Travel Tuesday, where I go back to something somewhere on my blog. A reader’s comment on a post from last week sent my brain into overdrive mode.  Sometimes I pick at things like they are a new bone; gnawing at them, burying it, walking away, going and digging it up to gnaw…

7.27.14 Sunday Snippets

Just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~ Hans Christian Anderson Things on my writing mind… 1. Good gawd, could anyone come up with more things that women are ‘supposed’ to be? Badass. Baker. Power Executive. Mom. Construction supervisor. Submissive wife. Activist. Feminist. I get tired reading about…

Cloudburst

Some days you have retrograde reflections, instead of retrograde amnesia.  Small insights of what things were back some other time.  We always think of what it is like to live with another, knowing their thoughts, their faults, habits good and bad.  Rarely do we look at what it is like to live with us; how it…

7.24.14 Thursday Tale-Tellers Tattle – Books of Import

I have been an avid reader since I was small, thanks to encouragement from my mother when little, and an uncommon introduction to education and learning. I am not certain why my mother thought reading was so important for me to learn, because she isn’t a reader.  In fact, she finished her first full-length book…

The rest of the story…

The other day I published a quote of my own.  But in part, it was a lie.  This was the quote: “Sexual abuse in the young creates the neediest people, who will tell you we need nothing; we live that way too.  We are taught by actions that there is no real love; there is no trust,…

Life Snapshot

Today is Shabbat.  A time free of work world constraints.  Time to absorb beauty, reflect beauty and warmth, radiate that back to others.  A time for thinking, for being. A time for giving thanks.  I smell like the woods, having finally finished my sun-steeping of a new body oil I created, scented with vetiver, peru…

7.17.14 Thursday Tale Tellers Tattle – K. A. Brace

I had not purchased a book of poetry in decades, until I stumbled across this writer here on WordPress. Poetry is a fickle companion, requiring time to pause, to let the words marinate, to speak the words out loud. It cannot be rushed.  Sometimes life is just too busy for that. KB’s book “To Travel…

Victims – Born, Groomed or Happenstance? Part 1

“’..and what will you trade for these things that you desire?’ he intoned flatly. ‘Blood, tears, sweat?’ I felt smaller even than before. ‘But, you see, I’ve already given all of that; and yet I still stand here before you empty-handed, without the Affection. Is there, there… no other way?’ My voice trails away imperceptibly,…

Fridge Forensics…no, not the science stuff inside.

While I was cleaning     – an interjection into your day outside of my normal posting schedule.  Yes, it has to be done.  I’d love to be able to snap my fingers and have this chore away, but it isn’t so.  What I so dislike about cleaning, is that once you begin, you see more to…

Much ado about nothing, or letting fear go

As I round out hell week here at work, I have been reflecting on lessons learned, and the impact of fear upon actions in my own life.  I was totally in a bad frame of mind about the impending social networking activity earlier in the week.  It was raining when I left the office, after…

The Sound of Silence (or, how much DO you talk?)

After wrasslin’ my way through the first real illness I’ve had in about eight years, I found myself, well – losing my voice.   Mind you, right after I finally started feeling like a  human being again, instead of a rattling, sneezing, coughing personal hazmat unit.  I worked from home for two weeks, making only…

Flotsam and Jetsam (should be a cartoon name, yes?)

I’m supposed to be prepping for a party, but eh, other than some small food contributions which are already cooking, not much to do. Also supposed to utilize this time to continue to toss/eliminate/re-store things, but my other deck storage box is still in Brown delivery limbo. As such, I am fiddle-farting around on the…

Reviewing the year and looking forward

As I have matured (don’t laugh, just…dont!), I try to reflect on a regular basis, examining events and thoughts, trying to gain more insight into things and to make wiser choices when new ones come along. Since 2009 when my husband died, I’ve had some rough times – but also some good times.  Friendships have…

The inner workings of the psyche (or how I while away my time)

I adore studying how the mind, body and personality work. Especially when there is so much information these days online. Today after chores were done I spent some time futzing around on the MBTI-type forums and found a very interesting place to read stuff. Have I mentioned how much I like to read? I also…

The new year, birthdays and feeling good in one’s own skin

God’s new year arrived in March along with Pesach and Chag Ha Matzot and the weather here has been unseasonably cool, much to my delight.  Soon enough the a/c will have to run to stem the torrent of humidity that douses us daily down here on the peninsula.  For now, cool brisk mornings and sunny…

Discovering other thinkers

I’ve really had the blessing lately to stumble upon some truly inspiring thinkers, who also happen to blog.  TK Coleman is new to me, but his thinking really resonates with me.  It’s kind of like the time in your life before you know that you need glasses, compared to after your first visit to the…